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First post, January post, feels like I needed to post post.

I was watching the Black Mirror season 4 episode 2 on Netflix and then suddenly I feel like I needed to write something, so I paused my binge watching. I put on tunein KIISfm 106.5 Sydney, open new tab and typed blogger.

I don't know why at this moment I had to write it out. I feel really grateful for having someone or some people concern of my well being, even though we didn't really know each other. Not in a weird kind of way, you know when people feel lonely or horny, they find people. But in a way that, "you and I have known the feelings of loneliness or brokenhearted before, so we need each other" kind of way. We kept it at minimum, because expectations kill. So it is better that way.

I think I'm ready to say that KL does not suit me anymore. My friend has said something that makes me think. I wanted to live simply, but KL is just not for my kind of people (minimalist) anymore. I always thought that if you want to live here, you don't have to participate in the invisible "race" that everyone else is in. I think that's not true. KL is a place that changes every month, every year. There will always be a "race". Survival of the fittest "race". I mean, it's really great that KL has improved so much. But is it for me? Do I have to survive in a condition that is not really for me anymore?

You know when you go to certain places in the world, you'd be thinking, what if I stay here? Not as tourist or traveler or nomad but as a resident where I would call the place home. Would it be different? Do I have different feelings? I'm curious.

"What if" is a really dangerous phrase. It makes us curious, hunger of something we don't know. For someone like me, I don't really care about the experience, whether it's a good or a bad one. I learned that every experience has taught me to become a better person. But not lately, I feel like there's a cloud that holds me back. Thinking that whether it's too late or too early to give up. What am I thinking right? Too early to give up should not be in the dictionary of my life. Lol.

I hate the feeling that something holds me back. So I asked a friend, or someone, not a friend i don't know, who is a professional photographer from New York about his life. He seems experienced, but I think he's a bit lonely too. He told me that he changed his life 180 degree at 30 years old. Quit a corporate job and do something a little bit more "me".  He's a successful photographer alright. On the road most of the time. Oh I know that feeling. I feel it all the time. He told me that it's not too late to change. Well, too cliche, for me.

I trust change can be done anytime, it's in the matter of whether I'm willing to do it or not. That I have the courage to change or not. We'll see.

That's all for now. Cheers.


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a quick sigh

bila nak dapat kereta ni...???